Losing a loved one is a very personal experience. Each individual goes through and processes the grief differently. Throughout the history of grief, we've found ways to remember those who have passed away through eulogies and elegies.
Two beautiful traditions that often come up in this context are elegies and eulogies. While their names might sound similar, they serve distinct purposes while offering unique ways to express grief and celebrate a life well-lived. Let's explore the unique roles of each and how you can use them! Elegy vs. Eulogy – What Are They?
Elegy Definition: An elegy is a poem that expresses sorrow and reflection on the death of a loved one.
It's a heartfelt way for the writer to process their grief and share their personal memories of the deceased. Elegies often have a melancholic or reflective tone, allowing the writer to explore their emotions and the impact of the loss. Think of famous works like Alfred Lord Tennyson's "In Memoriam A.H.H." or W.H. Auden's "Funeral Blues" – these are powerful examples of how elegies beautifully capture the depth of grief and love.
Eulogy Definition: A eulogy, on the other hand, is a spoken speech delivered at a funeral or memorial service.
Unlike an elegy, a eulogy focuses on celebrating the life of the deceased. It highlights their achievements, personality traits, and the positive impact they had on others. This is one of the most common form of speech at a funeral. Eulogies are a chance for friends, family, and loved ones to come together, share cherished memories, and express their gratitude for the life lived. When to Use an Elegy
Regardless of it being kept in a journal or read aloud at a funeral, elegies are a great way to express your personal emotions and memories of the deceased.
Here are some ideal situations for an elegy:
This 1865 poem by Walt Whitman is a great example of an elegy. It was written to express grief after the loss of President Abraham Lincoln.
When to Use a Eulogy
Eulogies are ideal for public speeches that celebrate the life of the beloved.
These are the most common moments for a eulogy:
If you would like help writing a eulogy, Eulogies by Aubrey provides a professional eulogy speech service to ease the burden of writing a speech so you can focus on what is important.
For those with financial stresses, Aubrey also offers a free eulogy template. If you have any questions, please email Aubrey or view her FAQ page. She looks forward to easing your burden.
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A lot has happened in five years! 5 years ago, I started eulogiesbyaubrey.com at my kitchen table. Needless to say, a lot has changed since then. 😊 I'm grateful to the families who've placed their trust in me, and for the people God has placed in my path to help me grow Eulogies by Aubrey into what it is today. I'm so excited to see what the future holds! Keep an eye out for updates as Eulogies by Aubrey continues to evolve! AubreyEulogies by Aubrey founder and eulogy writer. Learn more about Aubrey and her experience in the funeral industry. How 'The Fall of Freddie the Leaf' Helped Me Cope with Loss as a Child
I was in the 4th grade when I was first introduced to Leo Buscaglia. I met him through his book, “The Fall of Freddie the Leaf,” a sweet little story about a leaf’s journey through the cycle of life, from spring to winter (birth to death).
I was pretty close to Mrs. D., the counselor at my elementary school (many of the students were…she was a special lady). When a relative passed away that school year, I was called into her office to talk about how I was feeling. I remember after we finished talking, Mrs. D. pulled “The Fall of Freddie the Leaf” from the shelf in her office and said I could borrow it to read at home. It had colorful photographs of trees and leaves all throughout as it described Freddie and his navigation through the myriad thoughts and emotions that come with growing up, finding your purpose, and growing older. As summer turned to fall, Freddie saw himself and all his leaf friends around him changing colors. Eventually, Freddie watched as his friends let go and fall to the ground, one by one. He inevitably began to wonder what would happen when he too finally fell from the sturdy, safe branch he had known his whole existence. And he wondered what it would feel like to make that fall. The book ends by providing a description of Freddie’s experience with his own "death." It details it as a gentle fall and one with which Freddie can find peace even without knowing that his body will be providing nutrients for the tree as it prepares for the next spring. It’s an appropriate read for all ages, especially for children when they begin to have questions about death or what it’s like to die (and it’s normal for children to be curious). I don't know why, but for some reason, I never got Mrs. D. her book back. She never asked for it back, either. Elementary school ended, and I moved on to junior high, high school, and then eventually graduated. I kept “The Fall of Freddie the Leaf” through all those years, looking back through it every now and then. It was such a simple, comforting read and over time had become one of my favorite books. One day we got the sad news that our beloved counselor had died in a car accident. I had not seen Mrs. D. in some years but mourned the sweet memories I had of her. I remembered that I still had her book, and felt pretty bad that I’d never returned it to her. But then, picking up the book and reading it again in light of her death made me realize that she would have been glad that I still had it now…it was still providing me comfort even in adulthood. About Freddie the Leaf the Book
Freddie’s creator was Leo Buscaglia, also known as “Dr. Love.” He was a professor and motivational speaker who was, for lack of a better comparison, a kind of Mr. Rogers in his own right.
Besides “The Fall of Freddie the Leaf,” he is the author of several other books, including “Loving Each Other: The Challenge of Human Relationships,” “Living, Loving, and Learning” and “Bus 9 to Paradise”. Mr. Buscaglia passed away in 1998, but he lives on in this little gem of a story…and so does Mrs. D. More Grief and Loss Book for Children
Whether you're an adult coping with long-term grief (aka: prolonged grief), or you are trying to support a young child - coping with loss through children's literature is a great way to process these emotions.
These are my favorite grief books that are safe for children for your consideration. The Memory Box: A Book About Grief by Joanna Rowland
This heart-tugging book tells the story of a child who creates a memory box to help cope with the loss of a loved one.
The Memory Box can be a helpful tool for parents and caregivers who are looking for ways to talk to children about death. It can help children understand that grief is a normal reaction to loss and that it's okay to feel sad, angry, or confused. The memory box activity can be a helpful way for children to express their feelings and remember their loved ones in a positive way. The Invisible String by Patrice Karst
The Invisible String is a beautiful children's book that tells the story of a mother who comforts her children by telling them they are all connected by an invisible string of love. Even though you cannot see the string, you can always feel it in your heart.
This string is supposed to remind children that they are connected to everyone - even during loneliness, separation, or loss. This book can be a great resource for children who are grieving the loss of a loved one as it can be a powerful tool for helping children to cope with their feelings of sadness and loss. When a Pet Dies by Fred Roger
When a Pet Dies is a sweet, yet sad, children's book that deals with the death of a pet.
It tells the story of a child who is grieving the loss of their beloved pet. This book by Mr. Rogers himself assures the child that it's okay to feel sad and angry about their loss. Mr. Rogers also helps children to understand that death is a natural part of life.
Related: Gracie - Our Beloved Cat's Eulogy
Additional Tips for Using Books for Grief in Kids
Helping a child process grief is difficult. Along with consulting a therapist, here are some additional tips for using this book with children who are grieving:
AubreyEulogies by Aubrey founder and eulogy writer. Learn more about Aubrey and her experience in the funeral industry. On January 2nd, our little beta fish passed away. Dubbed "Mr. Fish" by my daughter when we first got him a few years ago, Mr. Fish quickly became a fixture in our home. Always one to offer a little bit of color to brighten our day, he was a blue and deep red hue, and happy to show off his graceful swimming abilities whenever we'd walk by his tank. Mr. Fish in 2021. As far kids learning how to care for a pet goes, fish are up there on the list. For over three years, Mr. Fish offered an excellent way to teach my daughter the basics about life and, here recently, about death. He offered us a way to teach her how to care for a pet, to help keep his tank clean, and to only give him a few pellets of food a day so he didn't get a tummy ache. And over the course of the holidays, he offered an opportunity to explain to her what happens when a person (or pet) grows old, gets sick, and passes away. Just before the holidays, Mr. Fish stopped swimming around so much. After Christmas was over, he started to lose his vibrant colors. When it was time for us to pack for our New Year's trip, he was almost gray in certain areas, and he had stopped eating. My daughter noticed these things with me, and I explained to her what was happening, and that it meant that Mr. Fish may soon go to Heaven. When we left for our New Year's trip, we dropped his 7-day feeder into his tank, but he didn't seem to notice. I was certain when we returned home on New Year's Day, that he would be gone. But he wasn't! When we returned, he was even grayer than before, but would still move slightly when we tapped the tank. It was as if he had waited until we got back, because sometime in the night, he passed away. My daughter sweetly observing Mr. Fish's body. My daughter is only 5, and she went through every stage of grief as is appropriate for her age. She expressed sadness over his death, that she missed him, and also her hope of getting a new fish one day soon. I let her observe his body, which offered a wonderful opportunity for me to explain how we, and animals, get a new body when we go to Heaven. That Mr. Fish has a new and better body in Heaven, and that he is not in this old body he left on earth. She understood as a 5-year-old does. I explained that we bury the old body, so that it doesn't start to stink, and so that it can help to grow the flowers. So we did. She helped to pick the spot in the backyard for him, as well as some pretty little stones to place on top of his grave. We buried him and said a little prayer, all with a cheerful heart, and that was that. Rest in peace, Mr. Fish, and thank you for the wonderful life lessons! --Aubrey
We are trying something new this year : ) Throughout the month of December, every eulogy order received at eulogiesbyaubrey.com will go toward one Newborn Bundle through Compassion International, a respected Christian humanitarian aid organization. At a $198 value, for an expecting mother in need, your order will provide:
Click here to learn more about the bundle. This is one way you can make a difference for others this season, while also finding a little bit of light in the midst of sorrow. Thank you for making a difference in Jesus' name! -Aubrey Have you heard of the AI (artificial intelligence) takeover? In recent years, whispers of AI - and its immeasurable potential - have been steadily becoming louder. As of 2023, AI has seemingly taken over the Internet and indeed the whole world. It's generally considered be a good technological innovation; AI can reduce workloads, promote efficiency in business, and perform tasks with lightning speed, often for little to no investment, or even error. It can be used for fun, too, just check out all the new apps that have come out this year utilizing it. However, there are some downsides to the takeover of AI. As a eulogy writer, one of the most glaring downsides is this: the lack of real human connection. In a time of mourning, over the loss of someone you deeply loved, the human touch is still desperately needed. AI is not sentient in this way (not yet, anyway), and a robot can't really understand what you are feeling. I do appreciate how accessible AI is, to everyone. It's no secret that AI can literally write a one-of-a-kind speech for you, using just a few prompts. That includes a eulogy. There's no denying that this can be a wonderful thing for so many people, and if you are one of them, more power to you! I believe that every loved one deserves a quality eulogy, and I love to see it happen, even if it's with help from AI. As I continue to learn more about this application and the many positive ways it can be utilized, also know that I am still here for you with any questions you may have concerning your speech. Keeping that in mind, I do want to assure you that Eulogies by Aubrey has never, and will never, use AI in this way. Every single eulogy order I receive is responded to and written by my own hand, using the beautiful thoughts you provide through my online eulogy order form (found here). And every single email or message you send to me, is thoughtfully responded by myself as quickly as possible. I may never be as quick or expedient as a robot, but I promise you, my heart is real : ) Do you have any further thoughts regarding AI? In what ways has it changed or improved the way you live, work, and play? Leave your thoughts in a comment below.
-Aubrey As Pride Month comes to an end, know that my support for you does not.Let's make something crystal clear: Eulogies by Aubrey is inclusive to families of all beliefs and walks of life. This includes the LGBTQ+ community. It is never my job to judge people, or their loved ones, especially during times of grief. It my job to love others, and to serve those who place their trust in me and my business with the utmost dignity and respect. If you are LGBTQ+, including non-binary or transgender, or if the loved one whom you are grieving was, you are safe to be honest and open here. I promise. Considering this, I have updated the questionnaire on my Order Page to reflect the need for pronouns, as opposed to requesting gender (which I did in order to get a loved one's pronouns right anyway, while writing). Please feel free to comment below with any other ideas you have for improving my site to make it more welcoming for all. Love, Aubrey 🏳️🌈 "If you are not personally free to be yourself in that most important of all human activities...the expression of love...then life itself loses its meaning."
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