Em-balm /əmˈbä(l)m/ (verb) 1. to preserve [a corpse] from decay, originally with spices and now usually by arterial injection of a preservative. 2. give a pleasant fragrance to. Embalming rates in the United States have begun to drop, as cremation (and other more economical, eco-friendly alternatives) becomes more popular. But there was a time not all that long ago when embalming was the most popular option for final disposition. In ancient times, specifically in ancient Egypt, embalming came by way of mummification. Priests studied and became skilled at the process of removing the organs of the deceased. These organs would be preserved with certain spices and fragrances and kept in jars, and a salty mineral called natron would be used to dry out the rest of the body. The body was finally wrapped in linens before it was ready for burial. This whole process took 70 days. The ancient Egyptians believed that preserving their loved ones like this would allow their spirits to one day return again to the in-tact body, so that they could live forever. Throughout history, there are other ancient cultures- the Mayans and Aztecs come to mind- that utilized embalming in one way or another. But in the United States, it all started with the Civil War. The Civil War is known as America’s bloodiest conflict. As battles raged on, the body count began to climb to drastic numbers. When soldiers were identified, if possible their remains needed to be sent back to their families for a proper funeral. But it often took days, if not weeks, for the bodies to arrive back home, and by then, decomposition could be severe. The railroads were not willing to transport these bodies, due to odor and fear of disease. For this reason, mass graves were the unfortunate answer to the problem. Enter Thomas Holmes, aka “the father of American embalming.” He was a mortician with a better solution. Before the war, he had studied and experimented with various forms of preservation, and ultimately decided that arterial injection was the best way to preserve the whole body. Arterial injection is the main method used to this day to embalm. Holmes began to produce and sell his own embalming fluid. He was first hired by the Union army to embalm a few soldiers that had been killed in battle, and that were needing to be shipped back to their families. He charged $100 for each case he completed. Embalmer at work during Civil War era. Word of Holmes’ essential work began to spread. President Lincoln himself was aware of the great need for embalming during the war, and so authorized it for the fallen. After the war was officially over, embalming continued to gain popularity as funeral parlors took advantage of the market. By the early 1900s, it had become mainstream in America. Over time, arsenic was replaced by formaldehyde as the preservative of choice.
Embalming is still very common in modern funeral practice. But as more is realized about the carcinogenic effects of formaldehyde, and as cremation, natural burial, alkaline hydrolysis, and other forms of final disposition gain in popularity, it’ll be interesting to see where embalming will be in 10, 15, or 20 years. -Aubrey
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When you have lost someone you loved, especially someone who was very near and dear to you, you need help. You need loving support from family and friends, an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on. You need help planning the funeral. You may need help just keeping the house clean and food stocked up. Sometimes you need gentle reminders to take care of yourself, to bathe, eat, and brush your teeth or hair. You may need spiritual support and guidance, such as what a pastor could provide. You may also seek professional help in managing your thoughts surrounding your grief, and that is perfectly okay. It is a wonderful thing to have people in your life who can provide you with these types of necessary support as you begin to process your loss and heal from it. But not everyone has this kind of support network, and these are the people who need special consideration. Are you or someone you know struggling to deal with the passing of a loved one? Below, I have compiled a list of resources that can be used as a starting point to get you the help you need. Whether a passing has already occurred or is imminent, please feel free to bookmark or share this page as needed. It is my hope is that you find the assistance and encouragement you are seeking. 7 Resources for Those Dealing With Loss 1. Grief Net
Grief Net is an online community for those dealing with a recent (or not so recent) death. At Grief Net, you can join support groups, browse through the gift shop, and even create a virtual memorial for your loved one. They have two sites, one tailored for adults and one just for kids. http://www.griefnet.org/ 2. Samaritans Hotline Are you wrestling with constant mental or emotional turmoil following the death of your loved one? If you are feeling extreme loneliness and/or having thoughts of suicide, call or text Samaritans Hotline. They are accessible 24/7. For immediate support, reach them at: 877-870-HOPE or 877-870-4673. https://samaritanshope.org/ 3. Everplans Funeral Checklist Planning a funeral is hard work. Even if you have the help of a director, it is still up to you to make and keep track of several important final decisions. The end-of-life planning experts at Everplans have created a free funeral planning checklist to help you out. Find it here: https://www.everplans.com/articles/checklist-plan-a-funeral-or-memorial-service 4. Next Gen Memorials Next Gen Memorials has compiled a lengthy list of poems, verses and other sayings fit to be read at a funeral or memorial service. Check it out here for some extra inspiration: https://www.nextgenmemorials.com/funeral_poems_memorial_verses/ 5. Modern Loss- Books on Grief Sometimes books can be the best companions! If reading is your thing, take a look through this short list of “6 Grief Books That Actually Helped” over at https://modernloss.com/6-grief-books-actually-help/ Also check out Eulogies by Aubrey's Pinterest Board, "Books on Topic," here: https://www.pinterest.com/eulogiesbyaubrey/books-on-topic/ for additional ideas. 6. Light a Candle Many times, a physical gesture (such as a butterfly release or letting go of a balloon) can serve to help us say goodbye to those we love in a symbolic way. At https://gratefulness.org/light-a-candle/, the internet allows you to do this virtually. This site has reached millions of people all over the world…light your own candle there today in memory of your loved one. 7. A Master List of Grief Resources Masters in Counseling has a giant list of 115 other resources for you to take advantage of. No matter what your needs are (and no matter what kind of grief you are dealing with-death of a loved one, child loss, job loss….), you are sure to find something helpful: https://www.mastersincounseling.org/guide/loss-grief-bereavement/ EXTRA And if course, should you need any help writing a eulogy, you know who to turn to <3 Eulogies by Aubrey is a quality eulogy writing service available to you 24/7. Contact us today right here: http://www.eulogiesbyaubrey.com/contact.html#/ -Aubrey In September 2015, Austin and I were married and decided to honeymoon in Glenwood Springs, Colorado. Of course I was looking forward to spending time with my new husband, but I was also quite excited about seeing a pretty famous grave that just happened to be in Glenwood. Romantic, right?! Doc Holliday’s was the grave I wanted to find. He is buried in Linwood Cemetery, a relatively small graveyard hidden within a treed area up Jasper Mountain. We would have to hike a pretty steep trail up to see it, but it was worth it! Once we got to the cemetery, it took us a little bit of time to find the marker (he is believed to be buried somewhere in Linwood, but no one is for sure the exact location)…we were mesmerized by the other graves, many of which are from the nineteenth century. Linwood Cemetery, also known as Glenwood or Pioneer Cemetery, is also the final resting place of Wild Bunch gunslinger Kid Curry (Butch Cassidy’s gang). Born John Henry Holliday on August 14th, 1851, Doc grew up in Georgia, then moved to Pennsylvania where he received his Doctor of Dental Surgery degree at the age of 21. He was told he had tuberculosis shortly after starting his dentistry practice, and moved from town to town in hopes of slowing the disease. Doc Holliday was known for his gambling ways, quick temper, irreverence for the law, and of course for getting into gun fights. Ironically, he was a good friend of lawman and frontiersman Wyatt Earp, whom he helped to capture another outlaw and also famously saved Earp’s life (remember that one card-playing saloon scene from Tombstone?). He eventually made his way to Glenwood, Colorado, where he hoped the natural hot springs would help relieve the symptoms of his tuberculosis. He finally succumbed to his illness on November 8th, 1887 at the age of 36. Here are a few pics we took of the trail and his grave marker while at Linwood Cemetery: If you want to learn more about Doc Holliday and his famous grave, these links may be of interest:
https://realcoloradotravel.com/doc-holliday-grave/1297/ https://www.visitglenwood.com/things-to-do/trail-guide/doc-holliday/ Also check out the 1993 film Tombstone, featuring Val Kilmer as Doc. The movie does a memorable job at chronicling his adventures as well as his relationship with Wyatt Earp (played by Kurt Russell). -Aubrey Yesterday Throughout the decades, fashion has evolved throughout society, and funeral society is no exception. In the olden days (circa 1800s-early 1900s), when someone died, much attention was placed on what the mourners wore, much more attention than they receive today. In fact, “mourning attire” was all the rage back then. Following a death, it was not uncommon for all-black outfits to be worn for an extended period of mourning. A good example of this: Queen Victoria (1819-1901) Britain’s Queen Victoria and her husband, Prince Albert, shared a love story for the ages. When he died quite unexpectedly at the age of 42, Victoria fell into a deep depression and never fully recovered. She famously wore black for the rest of her life (almost four decades) as a symbol of her sorrow. Note: Believe it or not, much of today’s fashion trends come directly out of the Victorian Era. During her reign, British and Americans alike emulated her style, setting fashion standards for the rest of the civilized world. It’s no secret that Victoria was the first to wear a white gown for her wedding, setting that standard…and some say that she is also the reason wearing all-black funeral clothes became mainstream. Today To understand modern funeral fashion, we first need to take a look at modern funeral etiquette. What is appropriate to wear to a funeral today? While much is dependent on the culture surrounding the funeral in question, generally, dark colors are still the way to go. Black, navy, dark violet, and dark greens are all appropriate options, especially when one is unsure of what to wear. But, as always, fashion trends are changing. As time goes on, some families are now choosing to opt out of the traditional dark, sad clothing. Some even request that those who attend the funeral of their loved one avoid dark garments and instead go for bright, colorful looks (for a celebration of life or homegoing rather than a funeral). That said, conservative dress is usually still deemed appropriate for the modern funeral service, no matter the color choice.
As today’s funerals continue to drift away from the traditional order of solemnity (featuring the usual visitation and subsequent order of funeral and burial), and more into the realm of personalization, we will inevitably see more changes in funeral fashion trends. -Aubrey Last week, Eulogies by Aubrey shared a blog post on The Grave of Johnny Appleseed (see http://www.eulogiesbyaubrey.com/blog/the-grave-of-johnny-appleseed#/). It was shown a lot of love, so today we bring you the very first installment of our new “Famous Graves” series! Come back soon to learn about more famous final resting places from all over the world. ****************************************************************************** The Famous Grave of Edgar Allan Poe (1809-1849) Baltimore, Maryland Edgar Allan Poe was an American writer and poet who led a sad and, some would say, eccentric life. Known for such haunting writings including “The Tell-Tale Heart,” “The Raven,” “Annabel Lee,” and (my personal favorite) “The Fall of the House of Usher,” Poe’s rise to fame was unfortunately posthumous. The genius of his writings only began to truly seize the nation, and inevitably the world, years after his death. While the exact cause of Poe’s death is not known, it is said that not long before he died, he was seen out wondering in the cold, looking dazed and acting hysterical. He was taken to the hospital, but succumbed there to his mysterious ailment. He was only 40 years old when he passed, and interestingly, there is no certificate of death on file nor any medical records available. He last words were reportedly “Lord, help my poor soul.” Edgar Allan Poe was originally buried in an unmarked location, behind Westminster Hall in Baltimore, following a small funeral in 1849. In 1875, he was exhumed and his body moved from the back to the front of the churchyard, with a large monument erected in his honor. In 2009, a memorial service worthy of his legacy was held in Baltimore, complete with eulogists and even a wax effigy. Poe's second and final resting place, Westminster Hall in Baltimore The Poe Toaster For over 70 years, an unknown person paid respects at Poe’s original grave site every January 19th, to mark the writer’s birthday. Known as “The Poe Toaster,” the cloaked man would simply arrive at the site at night, pour a glass of cognac and raise it in the air as a toast to Poe, and then disappear. Whoever he was, his annual visits ceased in 1998, presumably following his own death. Cenotaph marking Poe's original burial site, and where The Poe Toaster paid his respects. In 2016, the Maryland Historical Society appointed a new “Poe Toaster” to continue this beloved tradition.
If you would like to learn more about Edgar Allan Poe and his famous grave, below are a couple of links that may be of interest to you. https://www.atlasobscura.com/places/edgar-allan-poe-s-grave https://www.eapoe.org/balt/poegrave.htm ****************************************************************************** That’s it for Famous Graves #1! We hope you enjoyed reading today. Stay tuned for Famous Graves #2, coming soon! -Aubrey When I was studying at Dallas Institute of Funeral Service, I had to take a speech class. If you know me at all, I am a little on the quiet side. So when I saw the syllabus, I just knew that this was going to be my least favorite class (after chemistry, that is)!
No matter what your personality type, whether you are outgoing or introverted, carefree or an empath, chances are the thought of giving a speech in front of a crowd of people gives you the willies, at least at first. If you are asked to give a eulogy for someone you love who has passed away, you can add onto that all the emotional stresses that come with it…it can turn into a daunting task for anyone. Some people say it helps to practice giving your speech in front of a mirror. Others say it’s best to pretend that everyone in your audience is wearing polka-dotted underwear on their heads! Still others suggest maintaining eye contact with one person in the audience the entire time (as if that’s not awkward at all!) While some of those tips may be helpful for you, none of them have personally helped me the few times in my life I’ve had to give a speech! (If you are curious, what did help me during my college speech class was to remember that everyone else was far more concerned about how their own speeches were going to go, than how mine was going!) DISCLAIMER: I may be a writer of eulogies, but I’m not an orator in any way, shape, or form. For what it’s worth though, here are some of the best tips I could think of for overcoming nervousness while giving a speech, and specifically a eulogy (I will probably be coming back to this blog in the future if I am ever tasked with giving a speech or eulogy myself!):
Hopefully you found this blog helpful! For more tips on giving a eulogy, check out these links from Eulogies by Aubrey’s Resources & Help page: https://www.everplans.com/articles/4-tips-for-successfully-speaking-at-a-funeral https://www.imortuary.com/blog/speaking-at-a-funeral-public-speaking-tips/ http://www.speaking-tips.com/Articles/Delivering-A-Eulogy.aspx -Aubrey It’s not really something you think about on a daily basis. Maybe it has crossed your mind once or twice, probably when thinking about who you’d want (or wouldn’t want!) planning your funeral or giving your eulogy.
But think about it. If you were to pass away today (God forbid)…what would your own eulogy say? While all of us would, of course, hope for good things to be said about us -- and for the happy parts of our life to be highlighted -- thinking about our own funeral and eulogy gives us a much-needed pause and a chance to think deeply about our life thus far. …What will your eulogy say? There are many quotes and sayings and songs out there sharing worn-out wisdom about living your best life, staying positive despite your circumstances, keeping the faith when the going gets tough, and staying humble when blessings do come your way: “In the end, we only regret the chances we didn’t take.” “Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be.” “A thankful heart is a happy heart.” “Do more things that make you forget to check your phone…!” Such quotes are dipped in honey and do sometimes help us to find the motivation to put our best foot forward in life, especially when we are looking for inspiration. But do we really take any of these words to heart, at least as much as we should like? And are more than just a few of these quotes focused on bettering the world around us, helping our fellow man...? What will your eulogy say? In other words, what is the legacy you wish to leave behind for your family and friends? Will it be, “Her business was the most important thing to her. She took a chance on herself and didn’t let anyone stand in her way. She was the definition of a boss babe!” Or, “He loved his family, but anyone who knew him knew that his baby was that old lake house. ” Or, “It was obvious that things didn’t come easy for her, but her self-confidence pushed her to achieve everything she wanted in life.” Or would it be, “He had a wonderful and giving heart. Anyone down on his luck could come to him for help without fear of judgement.” Or, “While she did not have much, she gave much of her heart.” Or, “His bright personality lit up any room he walked into. His presence was larger than life and anyone who had a chance to meet him was left with this lasting impression.” What will your eulogy say? -Aubrey I’ve always had a fascination with Jackie O. I have a fascination in general with American life and culture during the post-war era, circa 1950s-60s. Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis, to me, seems to encapsulate that time period. For all her glamour, intelligence, and poise, Jackie Kennedy was no stranger to sorrow. When she passed away from non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma in 1994, she had been widowed twice and was working as a book editor for Doubleday. The former First Lady and husband of President John F. Kennedy had always had a passion for reading and writing and, in the years before she met the senator who would become her husband, had worked as a journalist in Washington, D.C. Senator Ted Kennedy was tasked with giving the eulogy at her funeral, which he did very elegantly. In a little over 900 words, he was able to shine a light on the bright and intelligent spirit that she was, while also giving respect where it was due to the heavy sorrows she so graciously carried throughout much of her life. “She had a wonderful sense of humor, a way of focusing on someone with total attention, and a little girl delight in who they were and what they were saying. It was a gift of herself that she gave to others. And in spite of all her heartache and loss, she never faltered.” Her heartache in life was indeed very great. Born in 1929, she had a difficult childhood that sometimes seeped its way back into her adult life. In 1956 her first child, a daughter named Arabella, was born still. She dealt with demoralizing tabloid rumors about her husband’s alleged affairs while still raising their two children under the spotlight of a critical nation. In August 1963 she lost another child, their son Patrick, when he was two days old. She subsequently developed depression (“melancholy after the death of my baby”), and was ultimately traumatized only three months later by President Kennedy’s violent assassination. She would later marry her longtime friend, the Greek shipping tycoon Ari Onassis, and move her young family to Greece until his death in 1975. She would never marry again, but after moving back to New York Jackie Onassis kept a companionship with businessman Maurice Tempelsman until her death. Mercifully, she would not live to see the tragic death of her eldest son, John F. Kennedy, Jr. She is interred at Arlington National Cemetery with her first husband, John F. Kennedy, and her children Arabella and Patrick, under the eternal flame. In 2015 I was able to visit this sacred ground with my Aunt Debbie, and we took this snapshot: If you want to read more about Jackie Kennedy, here are a couple of links that may be of interest!
https://www.rd.com/true-stories/jackie-kennedys-secret-career/ http://www.firstladies.org/blog/the-children-of-jacqueline-kennedy/ http://www.firstladies.org/biographies/firstladies.aspx?biography=36 -Aubrey My husband loves to build with LEGOs. He has a pretty impressive collection of LEGO masterpieces, as he calls them, ranging from little people consisting of just a few bricks, to a giant ship (the “Sea Cow”) consisting of 2,741 bricks. "Sea Cow" LEGO these days isn’t just for young kids! Adults love to build with the colorful bricks, too. Besides kits featuring fantastical creatures from movies and TV shows, there is the LEGO Architecture series, which anyone can construct fairly easily using the instructions provided. You can build the Taj Mahal, Buckingham Palace, and the White House, just to name a few.
But you certainly don’t have to buy an expensive kit to make something amazing with LEGO. As long as you have the right bricks, and the gumption, you can design and build anything you can possibly imagine. You can personalize your LEGO experience. Personalization is very important to society today, especially among younger people. As younger generations get older, and inevitably and eventually require death care services, personalization of funerals is also going to become more and more commonplace. In fact, over the past decade, many funeral homes and corporations have already begun to advertise and encourage custom services. Did your great aunt love to garden? Take a look through our garden-themed funeral package, complete with seed envelopes as “party” favors for guests. This will be a celebration of life! Grandad loved to fish? We actually offer fisherman-themed caskets and matching sprays. Care to browse our selection? Your son loved LEGO? Have you considered ordering a custom LEGO-themed casket? (seehttp://www.dailyundertaker.com/2012/03/funeral-home-facilitates-incredible.html ). Whether a funeral or memorial service is customized or traditional, or takes place at the funeral parlor, the church, or in the home, the important thing is to remember and celebrate your loved one and the life they lived. Including through the eulogy :) Eulogies by Aubrey offers 100% personalized eulogies, using your words and your “voice.” If you are planning a personalized funeral or memorial service for your loved one, we are here to assist you in doing so. -Aubrey Most of us have been there.
You lose someone who is very close to you, someone you cared for very much and who cared for you. You can barely make it out of bed, barely function at all the jobs you have to accomplish. The world keeps going as if nothing happened, and mercilessly insists that you still keep up. You have trouble even breathing when you realize, over and over, that you will never see this person again, at least not for a long while. Your eyes are puffy from tears that seem to never stop flowing. Your heart feels literally heavy in your chest. These are times when, as is often said, grief knows no words. The irony of it is, often times the person who is closest to the one who has passed away, is the person asked to provide the eulogy for the funeral service. In most cases, a person dies, has their services and final disposition within just one week of the passing. This one left behind who has barely begun to even process what has just happened, is tasked with writing a lengthy reading to be given in front of other grieving family and friends. They are obligated to think objectively, to dig up memories featuring their loved one (probably some they haven’t thought about in years) and try to put everything into proper sequence in the hope of appropriately representing their loved one and the life they lived. Even great writers would have trouble doing that. There is nothing wrong with asking for help. Within the realm of funeral service, there are many people available and standing by to offer you any assistance you may need. The funeral director is not just a salesperson… he or she is a counselor. The pastor is not just repeating tired old verses and prayers…they have been there. The funeral home apprentice…well, she doesn’t have all the answers yet, but she sure knows who to ask to get them for you :) Eulogies by Aubrey is one of those who is standing by 24/7 to offer you support should you ever need it. We too have been there, and when your grief knows no words, we will be right here to create your words for you. -Aubrey |
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